My first car was a 2000 something baby blue Toyota Matrix. My parents were wonderful enough to purchase it for me, and while it was “mine”, it was still technically my parents, and they kind of had rules over it.

When my mom got her new vehicle, they asked me if I wanted her old one. It was a 2005 charcoal Nissan Xterra. I LOVED it. It was big. I loved the way it looked. I loved the way it drove. It was my baby.

I had it for about 5 or 6 years. And then it got too expensive to repair. I was in North Carolina at the time of it’s inspection back in Maine. My dad sent me a picture saying “say goodbye”…I was heart broken. I truly loved that vehicle, and I was sad to see it go. However, I was excited at the prospect of getting a new vehicle now that mine had gone. But such was not the case.

My dad traded my Xterra in for a new car for my mom. Once again, I got my mom’s old vehicle. This was a 2011 black Nissan Xterra- so I wasn’t super upset, but I also wasn’t exactly happy. My parents told me it was time for “no more handouts” and I either needed to buy this car from my parents or look for a new vehicle. I didn’t think I was in a good enough financial spot to do that right then, and my dad had offered me an amazing deal that would have been silly to pass up- plus the fact that my payments would go to him, through him, every month made it super easy and simple- no interest, no middle man, no punishment if I had missed a payment (which I never did anyway). It was the “safe bet” and being over 1,000 miles away, I needed the safe bet.

I had that Xterra for a year. I had recently started bugging my dad about when I could look in to trading in the Xterra. I was getting annoyed with it. I drive a lot, and that thing is a GAS HOG. It’s big and I felt safe, and I loved that feeling, but it just wasn’t “me”. I had never been able to be in charge of my “own car”. I never got to pick out what I want, what best suited me and my lifestyle. I was VERY blessed and fortunate to have parents who supported me so much through my life in regards to vehicles (and life/finances in general) but I had worked SO hard to have good credit, a nice chunk in my savings (and my fun savings). I was ready.

I had been looking at Subarus for a while. My boyfriend has an Outback and I really like it, but it wasn’t totally MY style. I started keeping my eyes peeled for Subaru on the road. I saw quite a few that I liked- and they all ended up being Foresters. I did a little more looking in to it, and I fell in love with the newest model- which just happened to have the same look as a few of the previous years. I knew I didn’t want a brand new one- I could never afford it. I searched the used Subarus at our local dealership- the dealership that my dad has bought almost every single one of his vehicles from. And then I found it- the perfect Forester. 2015, Satin Pearl White, automatic. I fell in love with it just by reading about it. I texted my dad a picture of it, and the price was intriguing enough for him to agree that we could talk about it.

The next day was a Monday. It was the last Monday before the end of the school year. I was in my classroom when I got the notice that we would be going home early due to the heat. I was shocked- this had never happened before- not even when I was in elementary school! I texted my dad joking about how silly the early release was and ended up asking if he wanted to “go look at that car ;)”. To my surprise he was available and said yes! I met him at the dealership, and I fell even more in love with it. It was absolutely perfect, and I had to do my best to control my excitement- my dad is a master at getting the best and most fair deal, and I needed to trust him and his somewhat stoic demeanor. I followed along, paying attention to him and his questions and trying to learn a thing or two.

After test driving it, going over it top to bottom, back to front, and figuring out what else I wanted added to it, and looking over 3 or 4 different deals they tried to make us, we made one final one. It included a little higher trade in price (my Xterrra was in excellent shape), cross bars for my paddle board, all weather floor mats, and nice wiper blades. They tried to switch it up on me and offer me the same vehicle with higher milage, but my dad told me before we went in to stick to the final deal and not budge on anything, so I said “that’s not what I’m looking for, so I’m sorry but I guess it’s just not the right time”.

A couple of minutes later he came back with the exact deal we had asked for, and the car was MINE.

A 2015 Satin Pearl White Subaru Forester with only 28500 miles on it was going to be mine after only a few signatures. I was beyond happy….and now I can officially say I am a Subaru owner and I am totally and completely in love with it. 🙂

16 weeks out

2 weeks left of school has left me frantic, tied up with “stuff”, and over all exhausted. I’ve forgotten things, been late for things, avoided things….but not this “thing”.

I have officially signed up for my first 1/2 marathon- and I am officially 16 weeks out! I have been running pretty consistently…about 10 miles/week which is “average” for a beginner. But Monday I started my “official” 16 week countdown. I am planning to follow it to a T, though there have a few less running days that I would like- I really enjoy running at least a mile each day just to keep me moving, so maybe I’ll still do that, though I really wanted to see if this program accurately progresses me to being able to complete this run.

I am nervous and excited, and I can’t wait to finally say I’ve completed a 1/2.

Next year is my full- 26 for 26 🙂

It’s Tuesday!?

I’m so glad I noticed that it was Tuesday- this week is dragging ( 😦 ) BUT I didn’t miss blogging today 🙂 I’m actually looking for opinions on something specific…….

Anyone reading this have a Foxy Fix notebook/journal/planner?!

They are a little pricey for “what they are”…but I am attracted to them, the way I can personalize them, and what I can use them for.

My question for you all if you own one- is it worth it?! Do you love it?! Post a pic if you have one 🙂 And if you have another planner that you LOVE- what is it?!

Part 1

Last week I wrote about wanting to write a “credo” every year, an idea that came to me while reading my favorite book, All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten. I set out, determined to have one all written up by today, but alas, this thing called life got in the way. However, I did start  it, and I thought that this was a great way to do it. Different parts. I have an “introduction”, but sadly that is in my apron in the backseat of my car which is a good 5 minute walk away and I only have so much time before I get back to my little turkeys. So, I’ll spare you the introduction, and give you Part 1 of my “credo” (can I even really call it that? I have no idea..maybe it’s more of just a reflection..hmm).

Part 1: On Self Care and Independence

As I’ve gotten older I’ve truly realized how important self care is. Physically, mentally, and emotionally. I find it odd that it’s taken me to 25 to really start to understand the crucial effect poor self care has on a person, but it’s finally hit me hard enough to pay attention to the blunt face palms that I’ve experienced over the years. I need to be well. I need to feed my belly and my soul well. I need to hydrate my lips and my skin well. I need to exercise my body and my mind well. I need to treat my self and my thoughts well.

I can’t expect my body to look and do and feel the way I want it to if I feed it junk and treat it like a tree planted in the forest; sure, it’s a beautiful forest, it gets sunlight, rain, and nutrients and it is well loved by people, animals, and nature- but it’s stagnant. It doesn’t move, it just grows. If I give myself lots of food and sun and water than yes, I’ll become this beautiful tree for all to love, but what does that do for me? I need movement and beautiful views, I need to bend and stretch and dance and run. I need to climb mountains and swim in oceans; I need to feel the wide open fields and the closed walls of caves. My body and soul need those things to feel alive.

My skin has seen far too many tanning beds and it’s fair share of excessive make up. It’s freckles have been covered, it’s eyes have been brightened, and it’s shape has transformed from a powder and a few strokes of a brush. And my lips, oh how many liquids have wetted them. From water to wine, and soda to beer. I need to stop letting society’s standards for women affect the rosiness of my cheeks and I need to remember “fun” vs. “fitting in” when it comes to drinks.

I want the soles of my feet to feel the same way my heart beating into my soul feels when I run. I want the heaviness and the pain to disappear, and I want the lightness, the calming in and out breaths of my body to take over the weight in my legs. I need to run with the purpose of feeling good rather than looking good. I need to do more that makes me feel strong and confident; like kickboxing and yoga. I need to exercise my body to feel and be  rather than just look. I need to get in a mindset of connecting to my movements, connecting to my breaths and to my thoughts. My mind needs to wonder, wander, and return. It needs to question and answer, it needs to think and to be still.

I need to stop the doubt, the anxious wonder, and the negative thoughts. I need to think for the better, remember my worth, and love myself. I need to believe in the good around me and I need to believe in the good about me and within me.

I’m not an independent person. It pains me to write that, but it’s the truth, and if I’m going to overcome it, I need to accept it. I don’t rely on any one person; I rely on many different people to reassure me of whatever it is I am doubting, or have someone else always make my decisions for me. I check in with my dad before I make any big decision- even ones that have literally nothing to do with him or anything he knows about. I check in with my mom before I buy anything over $10. I check in with my friends before a date or a conversation I may have with either another friend or my boyfriend- just to make sure they don’t think I’m saying the wrong things. I ask my boyfriend constantly to help me make decisions..literally any decision. I feel lonely when no one is around or able to talk. I feel distant when I haven’t spoken to someone in over a day. If you haven’t guessed by now, I’m also a very anxious person. My mind is constantly worrying, wondering, and questioning every single thing I do, even after I “check in” with all of these different people.

Self care and independence are two of the biggest things I need to work on. I am very happy with my life overall; I have a great job, a supportive family, a caring boyfriend, lasting friendships, and over-all good health. But I need to work on me. At the end of a day I want to take one big breath in and breathe it out with a smile before I close my eyes to sleep. And when I wake up I want to stretch myself out of bed with the sun beating down on me; whether it’s sunny or not. I just want to feel good. I know what I need to do, I just need to do it.

But first maybe I should check with all the people I depend on to make sure I’m doing it right. (Funny how true this statement actually is within my head.)


Wow, life really “gets in the way” sometimes, doesn’t it?! I need to stop making that as an excuse though.

I’ve wanted to write. I’ve written little things. I try to journal, but I usually end up typing things out in the notepad on my phone- pathetic huh? That I have to have my phone in my hand to get motivation to write. I blame it on the generation I’m a part of. I blame it on the things I have around me and the way I am “forced” to live- meaning if you don’t have and use a cellphone, do you even exist? It’s sad, I know.

I’ve finally started to trying reading a book, an actual books, vs online news or stupid articles.

My current book is, once again (for like the 5th time), “All I Need to Know I’ve Learned in Kindergarten”. I’m rereading it for a project, and I am loving it all over again). In his book he talks about the “Credo” that he writes every spring.

Talk about inspiring.

I want to start writing a credo.

A philosophy.

Every spring.

So, my hope to you (and to me) is to have my credo for next Tuesday. I started it last night while I was working my second job. No customers, and nothing to do, so I took out my notepad that is usually filled with orders for hungry people, and I wrote. I started neat and the writing got s l o p p y. But it was real and raw and it felt GOOD.

So, look back here next Tuesday, if you’d like.

But don’t get mad at me if life gets in the way, because it happens.

Looking for….

My first year of teaching in April I was introduced to poetry month. The activity where I would read a poem to my students aloud and they would respond by drawing what they saw. What a wonderful way for my 5 and 6 year old students to explore poetry. I’ve truly enjoyed doing a poem a day during the month of April. My students light up when I sit in my chair with the poem papers in my hand. They love  this, and I love that I am introducing them to poetry in such a fun and expressive way.

Poetry has always held a special place in my life. I used to write a lot. I loved turning my thoughts and feelings in to poems. I wish I was still as creative now as I was then. Maybe I am and I’m just not trying hard enough.

Besides writing poetry, I loved reading it. I would seek out poems pertaining to things I was feeling at any given time. Love, heartache, anger, hope, faith, laughter, happiness, forgiveness…I always tried to find one to relate to. I wish I had had a blog back then. I’d like to think I would have posted all of my favorite poems. But I didn’t, and who knows if I actually would have.

Here’s something I can currently relate to (I am aware this is a quote, but it’s still a beautiful arrangement of words that I fell in love with and connect to on such a deep level):

“I want to apologize to all the women I have called beautiful
before I’ve called them intelligent or brave.
I am sorry I made it sound as though
something as simple as what you’re born with
is all you have to be proud of
when you have broken mountains with your wit. 
From now on I will say things like
you are resilient, or you are extraordinary;
not because I don’t think you’re beautiful
but because I need you to know
you are more than that”

-Rupi Kaur

I can’t tell you how true this rings; how quick I am to say “that woman is gorgeous” or how often I tell my friends that they are beautiful and have “nothing to worry about”. I am all too guilty of focusing more on appearance, including when it comes to myself. My boyfriend will tell me wonderful things about me and I might ask him “well do you think I’m beautiful too?” And he just shakes his head, not only because he wishes I could just see and believe that for myself, but because he wishes I would stop focusing on the look pieces and realize the beauty within me.

I’d love for you to share with me poems that you love. Poems that you can relate to, or that make you feel something.

And if you have any good imagery poems for 5 and 6 year olds, share those too 🙂


When Will it End?!




I can not express enough how much I D-R-E-A-D the end of the day. D.R.E.A.D.

It is awful. It is chaos. It is loud and crazy and I just want to roll in to a ball and cry.

What on EARTH do you do?! How do you end your days?!

The first bus gets called at 2:45. The last bus gets called sometime a little after 3:00pm.

I can’t put a read aloud on like I used to, because it gets so loud and the kids who need to be on the early bus get distracted.

I can’t let them read to self because they are so stir crazy and excited to go home that they don’t l-i-s-t-e-n. They read to each other (which is actually NOT’s laughing and giggling, and crawling around on the carpet).

I thought about a drawing book- each student can get a coloring/drawing book and they sit at their seats doing that until I call them to get their things ready to go home.

I haven’t tried that yet. That could work.


Please, give me your secrets to an easy (er) end of the day routine. My sanity depends on it.